President Donald Trump attends UFC Freedom 250 on the South Lawn of the White House on June 14, 2026, which was his 80th birthday.
A month before his 80th birthday, the president of MAGAmerica said he feels the same as he did 50 years ago. “It’s crazy,” he said.
It’s crazy, alright, but what about those well-documented “relaxation” episodes at NBA championship games, Oval Office press events, Cabinet meetings and Memorial Day ceremonies? Was he dozing off like that back when he and Melania were hanging out with Jeffrey Epstein? Call me skeptical.
Not that I blame President Donald Trump for napping, mind you. As someone who turns 80 in December, I can relate. Still, with apologies to fellow codgers like Chuck Grassley (92), Joe Biden (83) and Birthday Boy himself, age does not necessarily beget wisdom — especially when it comes to stepping away from elective office for good.
With such things in mind, the New York Times recently asked a few elderly luminaries for their thoughts on being 80. What are the ups and downs of old age and what sage advice would they give to a president?
First up: The amazing Liza Minnelli (80), who found the best thing about elderliness to be knowing “who you are, what you love, and what matters.”
Advice-wise, she suggested that any president would be wise to surround himself with advisers who tell the truth (a minimum requirement, typically, but you never know). “You are there to take care of people. Listen when they are struggling. Act with fairness. Remember every decision reaches someone’s real life. Lead with empathy.”
Hoo boy. Dear Liza. Fairness? Empathy? In this White House? You really need to read the room at the MAGA Motel.
Next: Art Garfunkel (84) of folk-rock fame. While initially saying he’s not prone to giving advice, it slipped out anyway:
“Seek out voices that challenge your thinking. Read widely. Listen carefully. A nation responds not only to decisions, but to tone.”
Read? Listen? Time to board the Greyhound for Pittsburgh, man. You’re looking for America in the wrong place. You dig?
Moving on, Robert De Niro (82), the famous Italian Irishman, plunged headlong into the shallow end of the MAGA cesspool.
“The president doesn’t listen to advice,” he said, inviting a “Silver Alert” diagnosis of the dreaded derangement syndrome known as TDS.
“He surrounds himself with feckless clowns who keep their positions by supporting his every whim. If I were able to pierce the shell of cruelty, greed, corruption and stupidity for one piece of advice … I would advise him to get some good advice from good people and follow it.”
Ouch! Feckless clowns? Really?
What about acting Attorney General Todd Blanche, who skillfully granted the president broad immunity from audits and tax claims?
Or Deputy Chief of Staff Stephen Miller, who’s cleverly ridding the country of all but the whitest of people?
Or Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth, heroic denier-in-chief for Black people and women up for promotion in the military?
However “feckless” the “clowns” might be, the president is absolutely killing when it comes to transforming the White House into a golden dome of familial profiteering (watchdog groups report at least $1.4 billion so far this term).
As for my thoughts on turning 80, there are more questions than answers: Why do we Americans live to work instead of the other way around?
Why has our rich economy not yielded a wealth of happiness?
Why does America at 250 feel more like Italy 1922 than America 1776?
Is that a nap I feel coming on?
